Running.

Every emotion that I have, seems to build up to be bigger than it needs to be. Why is it that when I hurt, it destroys me for a short time? Why is it that when you become close to someone, the smallest thing that goes wrong is like utter betrayal? Why in my brain do I put so much emotion into the smallest things, like a hello or goodbye? Why is it that I just can't let things go?

Every day that I wake up, there is a new memory that comes creeping into my brain. From the moment that I wake up, it follows me around. I stand in the bathroom looking in the mirror as I brush my teeth and I can see the memory behind, pushing at me. Some of them are good. Others, sadly to say most of them, are not. It follows me around all day, making doing simple things at work harder because my brain is racing trying to figure out every other possible outcome of that memory. 

Does it ever end? I know I have this stupid disorder, but why me. I just want to be normal.

Many days I find myself digging myself into work. Finding every little thing that is wrong so that I can fix it. It's something that at least I know I can control since my mind won't ever stop talking to me. I feel like I am constantly running from letting these memories catch up.

What really puts a damper in the day, is when they can catch me. I'm done at that point. I try to function for the rest of the day, but ultimately my mind has checked out and I am at that point going through the motions like a wheel on a car. Just going.